2020 is the year you step fully and boldly into your story. It’s the decade of truth and confidence and elevation. It’s the moment you stop silencing your truth for the sake and comfort of others.
To make all of that happen, you’ve got to speak up. You’ve got to be heard. You need to get comfortable saying things that make you, and those around you, a little uncomfy. (With kindness of course.)
IT’S YOUR YEAR, and these 3 phrases will help make it the best one yet.
“I feel ___, when you ___.”
You’re only in control of your words + actions, but that doesn’t mean the words + actions of others don’t impact you. When someone hurts, offends, or irritates you, it’s easy to stay quiet and choose not to directly confront them with your emotions.
However, that option won’t get you very far. It’ll leave a small divot in your relationship that will only grow deeper as time wears on. Not only that, but you’re essentially telling yourself, “What you’re feeling doesn’t matter enough to be heard.” And that’s a lie your brain takes to heart.
Instead of silence, choose truth. It’s going to be scary, but if you approach the situation with the above phrase, you really can’t mess it up. For instance:
“I feel unimportant when you’re late to our dates.”
“I feel hurt when you walk away during an argument.”
“I feel angry when you pick on me about my driving.”
These statements allow you to communicate how you feel and what actions are resulting in those feelings. Hopefully they’re able to see where you’re coming from, make a few changes, or share with you how their perception of events differ from yours.
Remember, even if they don’t respond how you’d like them to, your job began and ended with speaking your truth. You + your heart can rest easy knowing you did just that.
“I’m sorry I ___. How can I make things better?”
You’re human, you’re going to mess up. 2020 will be full of mistakes, lies, hurt feelings, and big oofs. Which means mastering the art of genuine, effective apologies should top your to-do list.
What I mean by genuine + effective is this: coming from the heart, recognizing your mistake, acknowledging their feelings, and working toward a resolution.
Leaving it at “I’m sorry,” is an easy out. Two words aren’t difficult to say and we’ve been taught since childhood to haphazardly throw them around, even when we don’t mean them.
Instead of taking the easy route, do your best to mend + help them heal. By adding “How can I make things better?” or “What do you need from me to move forward?” You’re giving them an opportunity to speak their needs and allow you to make up for your mistake.
The key is actually listening to their answer and doing your best to fulfill their wishes (to an extent). That’s where the genuine + effective part comes into play. It’s only genuine if you mean what you say and only effective if you’re willing to enact change.
“I can’t ___.”
I’m all about sprinkling more “yes” into life. Yes to adventure. Yes to love. Yes to kindness. Yes to big leaps + daring tries. Yes, yes, yes!!!!
But I’m fully aware there’s only so much room for “yes” in a day. Which means learning to say, “no” is major key.
However, just saying the word “no” feels a little blunt for me. Sure, there are tons of moments that call for a swift, bold “no way” but what about the times you feel obligated to give a reason? For instance:
- Your friends want you to come out but you’re not feeling it
- A client needs a quick turnaround but you’re booked up
- Your family insists on you partaking in a weekend vacay but you can’t make it
Although it’s your right to say “no,” and leave it at that, I like to think we can add a little something-something to satisfy both sides. (Full disclosure: You never need to justify why you do or don’t want to do something–that’s your right.)
Which is why “I can’t…” works for me.
“I can’t make it out tonight.” “I can’t take off work for the weekend.” “I can’t get that done by tomorrow.”
It’s easy to argue with “no” or ask for more info on WHY it’s a no. But if you simply CAN’T do something, it’s tough to disagree.
And for the people in your life who respond with, “why” or guilt, go ahead and let them own that. You don’t owe them anything. And please, let’s drop “I’m sorry” unless you actually hurt someone.
2020 is your year. 2020 is my year. I feel it. And I’m making a vow to master these 3 phrases starting today. Who’s with me?
Side of Kail 